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Issue #11 - January 2005

Welcome to the Large In Charge Newsletter

In this Issue of L.I.C

Featured Person -  California Based Rapper makes songs about Big Girlz.

 

ADVERTISING -  Check out the Big Sized Companies who advertise with LIC! Clothing, Party Promoters, Websites and more!

 

Raqui's Spot - Where do Big People get support from?

 

Jay's Spot - Who is the Fat Pig?  Broadway Show!

 

Food Relations - Crock Pots - The Slow Cooker - Making good food even when your not home.

 

Art - Artist Lamiel - Large Frames from the Motherland.

 

Guest Spot -  Sita M. Edwards - "The Shirt"

 

Ask Us - Keep those questions coming. Ask us anything, we will answer.

 

FREE RAFFLE PRIZE - New Raffle 4XL Dress Shirt for Men!

 

Events & Pictures - L.I.C.  Delivers Info. on the hottest BBW events, See what we are doing in the community and special promotions from size positive companies.

Large In Charge Featured Person

California Rap Artist Jadox

California Artist Jadox, Raps about BBW's   

     My E-mail box was full, I was having one of those days where it seemed that every email I deleted was replaced by four more.  Then some jerk messaged me on yahoo talking about if I was to meet up someplace.  A quick block stopped that, but I was uptight and not in the mood for any more nonsense.

     Again trying desperately to get rid of email I came across one from an intelligent individual who proclaimed to have made a rap song about BBW's.   "NOT AGAIN!"  I sighed.  How many times has someone claimed to have written a song for me to listen to it and see stolen lyrics or a totally not happening beats and with words that were torture to the ears.  As usually I click the link and view a page about this man who California Based.

     I sit back ready to be assaulted until this smooth voice with a balanced beat began to vibrate into my skull.   Listening closely and letting the song wash over me like water.  I feel refreshed hearing a mans voice proclaiming words in the praise of a full figured frame.   I began to bop my head and close my eyes while Jadox continued his song Big Girlz.   After this song was done I listened to the other songs that he has available on his site.   www.myspace.com/jadox  Lets just say it was my pleasure to listen.

     Jadox we are wishing you the best with your endeavors and hoping to hear some more of your work.

Next Performance: Big Boogie Nights Pardi Gras Las Vegas 1-28-2005

New Release:  "Big Girl Theory" EP, Featuring 5 Big Girl-themed songs. Release date mid February 2005.

Raqui

raqui@largeincharge.com

Interview with Rap Artist Jadox

www.LargeInCharge.com:   What is your professional name?

Jadox:   Jadox

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Where are you from?

Jadox:   Born and raised in Bay City, TX. I've been in Los Angeles, CA since 1991

www.LargeInCharge.com:   How did your career began as a rapper?

Jadox:   I had a cousin who was dabbling with it a bit. I decided to try it for fun.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Who are some of the influences you had when you began rapping?

Jadox:   A Tribe Called Quest, Ras Kass, Xzibit, Common, Redman, the Wu Tang Clan (RIP ODB), The Fugees, The Roots, Saafir, my cousin Mike Massey aka "120"

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Who are some of the artist and producers you like now?

Jadox:   Mainly underground rappers that most people probably have not heard of. I like Ras Kass, Common, MF Doom, Wordsworth, the whole Starving Artists Perfexshunists Crew

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Why do you rep "the Big Girlz" in your rhymes?

Jadox:   Primarily because no one else seems to be doing it in a positive manner. Most of the women I know are plus-sized, and I want to show them love in the best way I know how.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Do you admire Big Girlz or was your record a promotional campaign?

Jadox:   "I couldn't take this world without no Big Girlz" - Jadox, "Big Girlz". Not all of my songs are about bigger women, but with every major LP I release, you can expect at least one Big Girlz-themed track, as well.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   How long have you been an admirer Big Women?

Jadox:   For as long as I can remember, actually. Not that I didn't pay attention to anyone else, but there was always a "genuine" quality to all of the Big Girls I've known.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Have you ever performed your single at any BBW Clubs and what was
the response?

Jadox:   To date, I have yet to perform it at a "designated" BBW Club, but I've performed it just about in every other type of venue, and it's been met with open arms. Usually, that's the song that elicits the most praise and applause.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Is your music available on the internet?

Jadox:   Yes, all over. A google search on "jadox" would yield good results. Also, www.audiostreet.net/jadox is a good place to start. There is a "links" link at that site at which you can find more locations that hold Jadox material.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   What is the feedback from the online BBW/BHM community?

Jadox:   To this point, it's been nothing but love. I've been to Club Moxie and Club Bounce in Southern California (after finding out about them both online), and the owners and patrons of both clubs have acknowledged that they like my material, as it's different than a lot of what they've heard before. In terms of the online community, my www.myspace.com/jadox page has a place where you can listen to and rate the song. Again, nothing but love! I try to get the word out as best I can online in online forums. I get a lot of positive feedback all the time, mostly from people saying they love the song, and that they'd like me to come to their city to perform it.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Name 3 things you like about Big Women?

Jadox:   This is too easy: 1) I like women, period! 2) Curves/thickness are things that appeal to me 3) In my experience, Big Women tend to be very compassionate and caring, and those are always beautiful qualities to have.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   If we gave a "BBW...Win a Date Contest" with Jadox, what would be
the ultimate adventure for our contestants?

Jadox:   Heh heh, trying to defend themselves from my wife of nearly 7 years!

www.LargeInCharge.com:   What is your future dreams and goals as a rapper?

Jadox:   Well, I'm going to continue doing this as long as it makes me happy. Sure, I'd love to be able to support myself and my family as an entertainer, but a lot of times, that's not how it goes. I'm an unsigned underground rapper. For the time being, that works well for me. Not saying things can't change, but no one's beating the door down to sign me (not yet...)

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Do you do other music or do you basically stick to "Big" themes?

Jadox:   Well, 90% of my songs are underground rap dealing with a variety of subjects. There are quite a few Big Girl references sprinkled over that 90% of material. The rest is about BIG GIRLZ. When I do a Big Girl-type song, I go all out in terms of lyricism and content. I think it shows in the songs.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   What can the LargeInCharge.com family do to help support your music?

Jadox:   Simply let more people know about the songs I am doing.

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Have you done any music in the past or is this your first single?

Jadox:   I've been making songs for awhile (since 1997). "Big Girlz" was actually on my first 5-song EP called "Strive 4 Perfection," (2003) and re-emerged on my first full length album "Contact High" (2004). Both are the products of my own publishing company (Killer Instinct Productions)

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Give us one or two lines from a verse of your song?

Jadox:   "The bigger the berry, the sweeter the juice, not mad if you're carrying extra in the caboose or on any other part of your fine frame--no mind games, I wouldn't mind if you were MY dame..."

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Are you a solo artist or do you have a group / crew?

Jadox:   I'm solo locally, but I am a member of an internet-based crew called Starving Artists Perfexshunists (and yes, that's how it's spelled)

www.LargeInCharge.com:   Who are some of the producers of your tracks?

Jadox:   Jondoe, Ascension, DJ Mr, DJ Lord Ron, DJ Hoppa, Shogun, Pedro, Ink Rezin, Flowing Skills (California), Zeps (New York), Dave Derrilykt (Wisconsin), Mac Blaze (Delaware), Trauma King (Florida), Hazadous Omega (Illinois), 8BZAG (pronounced "Eight-bizza-Gee" - New Hampshire), Admiral Crumple (Canada), Zaheer (United Kingdom). I work with producers from all over. These guys aren't household names (but we're all working on it...)

 

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Raqui's Spot

From a Female's Point of View

This month's subject:

Where do Big People get Support from?

Email Raqui:  raqui@largeincharge.com

Where do Big People get support from?

     Simple question, but yet hard to answer.  Where do Big People get support from?  Many times we expect to receive the support we need from our families and friends.   Only later we realize that our family and friends are not as supportive as we think they are.  Here are a few examples from readers.

 Lisa - I always thought that my friends would be there for me.  My family is not positive when it comes to weight.  They spend more time telling how pretty my face is and why am I wasting away getting fat and not losing weight.  Than they do complimenting me on my good grades, my decent life.  My amazing way of putting myself through college with out help from them, while I work and keep my own studio.  You would think weight would be the last thing that would cross there minds.  But families can be closed minded.    

     I thought my friends would be my saving grace.  The rock to lean on in the storm.  Until I found out the only reason they hung out with me was my money and way of making them look better when we were going out.  They never once wanted to go to a big girl dance with me.  They only took me to clubs where skinny girls ruled and they walked around in the tightest smallest outfits while I sat around watching there purses and they danced the night away.  I was even the person they used to distract men who they only hung with to get drinks while they talked, kissed and felt on a hot cutie in the back room.  When I began to realize this I broke off the friendships. But now I feel like I have no one to turn too.

Manny - I am not a very social person, not with strangers.  With my family I am crazy and out there. I was always taught that family comes first.  I have always thought that my family was there for me.  Well that shit aint true.  I am a big guy, and I notice how no one in my family will go out with me.  Unless I am buying them something.  A-lot of people in my family get together and do things, like go out to the movies,  dinner, hang out, clubs etc.  But no one ever invites me unless they need me to pay for dinner.   I just came out and discovered my own family is hiding me.  They are ready to hang with me if it is at home or if I am paying to take them out.  But they never once invite me out, or introduce me to their friends. But they will introduce other family members.  They don't really want to hang with me in public.  For a person who is brought up thinking that family is everything.  I don't know what to think or feel now.

      I know a lot of other Big People are going through this same dilemma.  You begin to sit back and wonder.  Who can I talk to?  Who will understand me?  Who do I turn to when I have no one left.  For many of us the common sense answer is, other people of Size.  Who else is better to understand me than someone who goes through the same issues.  But there are not any real activates for big people in all locations.  The BBW parties don't give us the type of support we want. They are a hang out fun place. So many of us turn to the internet.  Trying to find groups, trying to find people who will support us.  But many times we are let still feeling with out.

Brenda - I am a SSBBW,  I don't really have much family and I haven't found any real friends.  I wanted to find a place where I can talk about my feelings,  talk about things I think about.   I started searching on the internet and found lots of chat rooms, they talked about junk.  I found groups, full of sex advertisement.  I found some sites, but they are never updated.  I even chatted through these instant messengers, nothing but bullshit people talking more bullshit.  How do I cut through the crap online to find something or someone worth while to talk to?  Someone who listens and hears me?

Felisa - All I can do is complain about these so called BBW activities, online groups and so called call size acceptance missions.  Maybe I shouldn't but I have to.  I go to parties where one woman is bashing another one because of the way her body looks.  I hear men talking about who is the easiest to get into bed and who gets lose when they get a few drinks into them.  I went to a few conventions, some were boring,  Looks like only the old and dead are there.  I went to another BIG NAME CONVENTION and the husbands were busy trying to cheat on there wives with newbie's.  Not just any husbands but the people who run the damn convention.  All these so called size activist communities seem like pick up spots in one form or another.  What is Large In Charge going to do about that!

     Well Large In Charge cant solve all the Big World problems.  But we can make our little mark.   Raqui will be hosting weekly chat sessions for support only.  NO HOOK UPS, NO BULLSHIT, NO CRAP.  If your in the New York and a joining areas and want to get together we can even have our own face to face meetings.  Go out to parties, bowling, dinner.  Or just sit down and talk have a meeting face to face and deal with our issues.  Support one another and dare to be happy with our Big Selves.  Lets see where this goes. 

     Are you Interested?  Here is the link to our ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP!  Once I have found a good ammount of dedicated members through our online support group.  I will start holding FACE TO FACE meetings.  So join up with us now.  

LARGE IN CHARGE ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

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Jay's Spot

From a Male point of view.

This months Subject:

Who is the Fat Pig?

jay@largeincharge.com

Ashlie Atkinson

Jeremy Piven

Who is the Fat Pig?

     She’s the newest rising BBW star on New York City’s Off Broadway scene.  She holds the lead role as “Helen” in the play “Fat Pig” written by Neil LaBute, directed by Jo Bonney.  

     The play is basically about a guy named “Tom”, played by actor Jeremy Piven (from HBO’s “Entourage”), who falls in love with a BBW named “Helen”.  Helen turns out to be everything that Tom ever wanted but the plot has one Big issue.  Helen is “Big”!  Another big problem is that all his friends are laughing at him which forces him to face up to the toughest choice of his life: will he stay with the one who he loves or will he flow with the peer pressure that “Fat People don’t Matter”?

     I watched the preview for the play and personally got mixed messages.  I felt okay with the fact that Size Issues made it to the Broadway scene, that an FA is played by a well known star, and the fact that the play is based on a real issue that people of size and admirers really go through.  The good part is that it might be a good story.  The mixed message is the Title “Fat Pig”, the slogan “Fat People Don’t Matter, and the theme that “Pretty People” insist that Fat People don’t Matter.  It made me wonder if the play is worth going to see and also how people in The Big World might feel about it.

     Overall, regardless of how the play turns out, I give big thumbs up to Ashlie Atkinson.  From what I see, her acting is great and she is taking on a huge challenge for playing such a role.  Besides her being the newest “Big Chick” on Off Broadway, she is also breaking records as that “Big Girl” in the sport of Women’s Roller Derby.  Her nick name  is “MargaretThrasher” (the Prime Minister of Your Demise) and she rolls with the Gotham Girls Roller Derby.  For those that might be too young to have ever seen Roller Derby….its a rough sport!  As a BBW supporter I have to give major props to Ashlie Atkins for holding down both titles.  Also, I researched a few sites and found mixed reviews.  Some critics say they loved the play….some said it sucked!  But all of them agreed that Ashlie did a good job and seems to have a bright future.

     So to all the LIC Fans, be on the lookout for Ashlie Atkinson ,“A.K.A.”, that “Fat Pig” on-off Broadway, “A.K.A.” The Big Mama on Roller Skates. 

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Large in Charge Art

Beautiful images of BBW's / SSBBW's /BHM's

Send in your art work to be displayed and get featured in our Newsletter

Email Raqui: raqui@largeincharge.com

Our January Artist is

Lamiel

Order Prints at www.art.com

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Food Relations

What does food represent to us?

     Welcome to Food Relations.  The subject of food and people is an ever present concern.  What you eat, when you eat, how you eat, why you eat.  We all have to eat at some time or another.  Most of the time we eat for nutrition.  But food also makes us feel good.  The taste, texture, feeling, smell of food.  Some use food for release, or as a weapon for control.  Here in this section of our newsletter we hope to talk about the many aspects of food and get feedback from our readers of what food means to them.  Also how they view food.  So now sit back and read what this months food subject is about. 

The Large in Charge Staff

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Large In Charge Guest Spot

We want to hear and see your talents!

One of our favorite parts of the newsletter.  The Guest Spot is for our readers to submit there talents to be viewed.  We want to see all you wonderful supporters making moves of your own.  If you write poetry, short stories, commentaries, or just thoughts in general, please submit them to us.  If your a designer we want to see pictures of your clothing.   We would love to include your talents in our newsletter.  We hope you take an active part in the L.I.C. newsletter.

NOTE: The Opinion of the writer is not always the opinion of The Large in Charge Staff.  We support the Right to all views.  We do not Condemn or Approve writing based on our personal thoughts.  We approve writing based on if the subject is a concern for the BBW / SSBBW / BHM Community.  Thank you for your writing and please send in those articles!  - The Large in Charge Staff

About our Guest Writer

Name: Sita M. Edwards

Age: 27

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Location: West Coast

Goals:  Finishing my Master's program, writing consistently 

and well, making a difference without fanfare, learning to salsa, 

someday speaking more than one language, traveling consistently, 

and making choices now that will enable me to look back at my 

life when I'm 87 and say that I lived both joyfully and well.

Hobbies:  Watching cheesy uber-oiled-bicep movies (Bruce Campbell 

is my hero!), singing off-key in the shower, being both revolted and 

amused by my housemate's cat's tendency to drool profusely on me, 

being a totally dorky, unrepentant 80's chick, eternally searching for 

the perfect boa, martial arts, and periodically panicking over not 

knowing what I want to be when I grow up.

"The Shirt"
by Sita M. Edwards

     Up until the last couple of months, all the clothes I bought were a size 28. I wouldn't even bother trying on anything smaller. I can't remember now what prompted the open-mindedness, but a couple of months ago I tried on a shirt that was a size 22, and yanno what? It fit! It not only fit - instead of looking like a pup tent, it fit my curves, emphasized the fact that I'm stacked, and left no doubt that I'm a large woman who also happens to be hourglass shaped. I was dumbfounded. I bought it covertly, and if I'd been wearing a hat I'd have tugged it down over my eyes to hide my identity as I left the store, lest...

     What? Lest anyone see that I was daring to be who I am? Who knows. It was just fear, the kind of blind panic that used to have me tugging and stretching out size 28 shirts that were already six sizes too big.

     It took a week before I wore that shirt in public. I would put it on every morning before work, look down, smooth my hands over the daring and cheerful stripes. I'd feel the seams hugging my curves, see the collar draping just a little bit provocatively over the swell of my breasts, and I'd panic and rip it off. With a sigh of relief I'd shimmy into my trusty, comforting, swimming size 28. With its ample folds and shapeless form it was like a sign held up to the world that, although a fat young woman, I at least had the decency to be ashamed of myself. It was an apology, if you will, for having the bad form to...well...have a bad form.

     But that body-hugging size 22? Oh, it took on a life of its own. I would peek in my closet surreptitiously, my gaze running hungrily along the sassy contours that seemed to dare me to be brazen. The hint of shimmering silver threads caught my eye when I least expected it, and it was like Satan's lure, tempting me to be bad, to break the rules.

     Then one morning, I left it on. I'm not sure what was different about that morning, or why I chose it instead of the one before, or the one after. It was just a morning before work, like any other. Except it wasn't, because I left the house in what had become, in my mind, "The Shirt." My posture was different in this shirt, I noticed. I didn't slouch, looking at the sidewalk in a desperate bid to be invisible. My back was straight, my belly held in, my shoulders were back, and most importantly, my chin was up. I was looking the world in the eye.

     And, to my amazement, the world looked back. Just like that, I went from being invisible, nose pressed longingly against the glass as I watched life going by, to being part of it.

     In reality, of course, it wasn't "just like that," because it's not a shirt that changed, it's the person who was finally willing to put it on. But I'm a profoundly different person today than I was three months ago, and the visible change started with that shirt.

     I spent most of my life convinced that what the media said was true, and that I was deficient in all ways because I didn't conform in this one way. But you know what? I don't live my life rubbing shoulders with the media. I live it among people, and I'm finding that none of them are as hard on me as I was on myself.

     I was so afraid of being noticed, because of what I was sure the judgments and reactions would be. But in putting on that shirt – and subsequently purchased shirts like it - I'm finding that I was totally, incredibly wrong. Virtually everyone I know has asked me if I've lost weight. I scraped my jaw off the floor with a spatula the first time someone asked me that. It was the antithesis of what I was expecting. Evidently, those billowing folds of baggy clothing didn't hide anything at all – they made me seem even bigger than I am! Amazing.

     I've started getting compliments on my style, my hair, and my general prettiness from strangers on the street. (Only some of whom are crazy!) The compliments that mean the most to me, though, are the ones that reflect the change in my attitude. Recently a woman that I work with paused, gave me a once over and said, "I don't know why I never noticed this before. You're completely Betty Boop, aren't you?" I laughed right on out loud, because I knew she didn't mean physically, but that who I really am - my playful, teasing, confident self - is now the me that people see.

And you know what? Being seen feels great.

(Copyright Sita M. Edwards 2004)

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Large In Charge - Ask Us

Ask Raqui and Jay the questions you always wanted to.

Get the female and male point of view.

Ask Raqui and Jay your questions

raqui@largeincharge.com                                                                                       jay@largeincharge.com

Dear Raqui

Q:   Dear Raqui:  Love the website, keep up all the good work. Now I would like your advice on this issue I have. I'm a younger BBW, and by younger I mean 20s/under 30 age range. Age isn't a huge thing for me but I have been having some problems with finding younger men who find younger BBWs attractive. I've gone to the parties out here in my area and seem to only find the men around my age who are drawn the older women. Although older men are nice, I'm not always on their level. Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places. Help! Thanks so much girl!

Shonrael from CT

A:   I feel you on that one Shonrael.  Me personally I don't believe the BBW parties should be taken as a place to meet your future boyfriend.  If that is what your looking for.  A lot of these younger men have been going to these parties a while.  They know the older ladies because they are regulars and probably know them from online.  Some have been involved in some way.  The older ladies don't want the young men for anything but fun.  The younger men just want fun.  So they match up.  I don't believe anyone but younger women go to these parties for a relationship. Everyone else is  going for fun in one form or another.  The younger BBW may be looking for a relationship.  The men don't want one, they just want do there thing.  I would suggest do what I do.  Go have fun bring lots of friends male and female.  Chances are if you are looking for a man.  Look for him when your out and about in the regular world.  That guy who is looking at you a bit. Who smiles at you, nods his head.  Is the one who probably wants more than a one night stand.  Use your biggest smile and say hello.  If your walking take a moment and look back at that man and if he really interested he will approach you.  Or you can approach him if he shows you that special interest.  Work your thing girl. 

Q:   Raqui, How does life as a BBW affect you in the workplace, are you treated any differently, do you get the same promotions, and job opportunities?
 

BeatsNCredible

A: I work for myself via the internet.  But when I was out trying to get a job.  I got refused mostly because I was trained to be a secretary.  That means I represent the company.  No one wanted a big fat girl, with limited clothing options, representing the company.  I found other people often looked at me strange and often talked about me. When I did get a job at McDonalds, I was up for manager with in a month because I had great communication skills with the customers.  When other co-worker found this out, I heard them say behind my back that I wanted to be manager because I could eat all I wanted.  Which is crap because everyone was eating more than me.  As soon as I started working there I stopped eating McDonald's.  I found it hard to get a job,  and I was skilled.  I also have seen many SSBBW's and BBW in great jobs.  Usually jobs that they have been trained in so in many areas size doesn't matter if you have the skills needed.  I think the secret is to go into a field of work where they need you, not you needing the job. Then size doesn't matter if you got the skills.

Q:   Why do ladies who are way past thin use thick as a description?

David from TX

A:  Well David, I think the thickness is in the eye's of the beholder.  I would say I am super thick.  But I am thick as hell.  Thick is a word any woman can use in one way or another.  Also many large or really large women don't know the words to use such as BBW or SSBBW.  They just know that they are thick.  Maybe you need to ask how thick.

Q:   I have noticed something with some BBW parties and get together.  Seems like all the men brother's and others, are going for white women and it doesn't matter if they look good or not!  They don't let a sister get a chance, what up with that?

Waiting for a Chance

A:   Girl I think I got it worse than you.  Even though I am not looking for a man I see how things are.   At the parties where all the men seem to like white women I am to dark.  At the parties where the men love all the Sista's  I am to light.  I don't like light skinned men so If I got to a Spanish party it sucks not even Black men there. Some parties even seem to have men who only go after smaller BBW's.  I lose there also I am a Puerto Rican SSBBW.  So don't feel bad.  You got to keep hitting the parties to see where you fit in at.  Become a regular and say hi to everyone.  You will be getting attention before you know it.  Just make sure your getting the type of attention you want.

Q:    My Question is, How do I find a dentist who will take care of me?  Every time I make an appointment at a new dentist they tell me that the chair will not fit me.  I have been to 3 dentists already.

Brace Face

A:   Brace Face I feel your pain.  I go through the same thing.  I have basically started calling the offices and asking if they have chairs for obese patients.  If they have one that will hold my weight.  Some do some don't and some have good prices some don't.  Try that.  Many times they will ask you to go to the offices to try them out.  If you can get a friend to give your a ride or if you drive.  Then you can visit as many as possible and see who is most accommodating.

Q:    I am not a big woman, but my question is about big people.  I work with a woman who was 400 lbs. She had gastric bypass.  When I told her about a family member of mine that is fine with their weight.  She told me "Oh no, they have to have the surgery,  I been there I know that no matter what they wont be happy being big.  Inside their is always something bothering them."  Is this true? Is every big person just wanting to be thin and not going there?   Can you be big and happy truly?  My family member seems to be.

Tyra

A:   Tyra, don't believe that bullshit.  Many big people of all sizes are very happy living big lives.  I will not deny there are many of us who want to be thin.  But I wonder do they want to be thin because they think thin is beautiful or because society says thin is beautiful.  Either way, no one has to get the surgery if they don't want to and many people don't.  I personally live a happy fulfilled and quite active big life.  My quality of life doesn't suffer because I walk slower and hate steps.  I still have fun and do things I want to.  Anyone who says someone has to get the surgery without meeting and knowing the person has got a closed mind.  Your better off not worrying about the co-worker, you need to take that family member of yours out to have some fun!

Q:   Jay, I was wondering.  From a mans view do you notice that a lot of men don't go super sized?  A lot of men who claim to love bigger sized women and enjoy super sized never approach the super sized ladies.  They stick to the smaller BBW's

Lena

A:   Lena, Do I notice that a lot of men  (FA’s) don’t go Super Size?  Yes.  If they never approach SSBBW’s and only approach the smaller BBW’s?  No. I think that’s a personal question because you never said where this happens at.  If you mean that guys act shy in the club….maybe so.  Yet I do know of SSBBW’s who have no problems finding dates. Generally, if a guy claims to “Love” SSBBW’s , and he is attracted to you, if the situation is right then he will approach you.  I personally think that the real problem is that there are not many events where SSBBWFA’s can meet SSBBW’s (only).

Q:   Jay, do you notice with your girlfriends that being a  BBW affected them in the workplace, are they treated any differently, do they get the same promotions, and job opportunities?
 

BeatsNCredible

A:   BeatsNCredible, I heard stories from several BBW’s about how they were discriminated in the workplace.  Name calling, lack of promotions, being held back from advancements, disrespect, harassment, and not being hired because of their size, are just some of their negative experiences.   If they are treated any different?.. is another issue.  I’ve also heard about how women in general are discriminated against in the work place. Being that  everyone’s case is different, and some BBW’s enjoy their jobs and some don’t, I can answer by saying “Yes” I have BBW friends who feel like this but I still can’t assume an answer for the general population.

Q:  Why do ladies who are way past thin use thick as a description?

David from TX

A:   David, Maybe they wanna be down with the BBW click! 

Q:   I have noticed something with some BBW parties and get togethers.  Seems like all the men brother's and others, are going for white women and it doesn't matter if they look good or not!  They don't let a sister get a chance, what up with that?

Waiting for a Chance

A:  Waiting for a Chance, Speaking for all the people who have never attended a Size Positive event, I find that “Big World” parties and events are adult orientated.  The night club scene and the small social events are the same as any other adult get togethers.  I say people are people regardless of size.  The only difference is that the Big World caters to size issues.

Now to keep it real for all those who do attend the events, Racial incidents do exist but its like “Tabu”…people just talk about it in private.

I personally have attended predominantly Black parties, predominantly White parties, predominantly Latino parties, and mixed parties.   The reality of it is that different locations have different crowds, different music, and different complaints.

My answer….Waiting for a Chance “noticed something”.  Maybe it’s personal or maybe it happens everywhere or maybe it’s “some clubs” like you said.  I can only suggest that you:

1)       Bring a date

2)       Attend events that cater to the type of men you like

3)       Ask the guys themselves while you’re at the club

Lastly, in the Club / Event Life, adults are adults!  People get dressed up, drink, dance, socialize, relax, and come to have a good time….I really don’t have a right to even suggest what it is that they should do with their time especially when they paid to enjoy themselves.  If this was a moral issue I could have an opinion…but a club is party!  Bottom line, “Have Fun” and don’t let anyone stop you from having fun.  Maybe you can “Travel” until you find what your looking for or talk to the Sista’s who don’t have this problem….just don’t “Wait for a Chance”….make it happen!

Q:    My Question is, How do I find a dentist who will take care of me?  Every time I make an appointment at a new dentist they tell me that the chair will not fit me.  I have been to 3 dentists already.

Brace Face

A:   Brace Face, As you might know by now, I’m considered and FA but I’m not a big person. I never even thought about not fitting into dentist chairs and I’m like stuck (trying to find an answer). At first I wanted to suggest that you find a dentist that makes house calls but that’s not good because you probably need to be in the office.  Maybe you can call the Better Business Bureau,  Dental Associations, post the question on a few SSBBW web boards (especially ours), or ask a few Size Positive Organizations.

Q:    I am not a big woman, but my question is about big people.  I work with a woman who was 400 lbs. She had gastric bypass.  When I told their about a family member of mine that is fine with her weight.  She told me "Oh no, they have to have the surgery,  I been there I know that no matter what they wont be happy being big.  Inside their is always something bothering them."   Is this true? Is every big person just wanting to be thin and not going there?   Can you be big and happy truly?  My family member seems to be.

Tyra

A:   Tyra, Is every big person just wanting to be thin?  Naw, I don’t think so.  I think your right about the Gastric Bypass being a big issue (of today) but not everyone is all for it.  Can a person be big and truly happy?  It depends on the person.  I know many smaller people who are not happy because of one reason or another….and I know some who are satisfied with their lives.  Some big people are satisfied with themselves….some are not!  Your friend saying that “Big People Have to have surgery”….don’t believe the hype!

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