I had heard about a special woman named Kira, who was making a
Documentary about big people. I passed through her site
and was truly impressed. It is about time that people of
size get to tell their story. What makes this Documentary
different is that it is the only Documentary about Big life made
by a Plus Sized person. The ability to not only tell our
story but to have someone who understands what life is like
because they themselves are living the same life. No one
can truly capture big life and all the aspects except a person
of size.
Later in meeting Kira, I found I had already known her in
passing through the BBW parties. What really held me to
her was the great intelligence and passion she holds. Her
way of speaking and relating to those around her and most
importantly her project. A true Labor of Love that has
been in the works for the past few years. In mind and then
moving into filming it.
In my eyes she is an inspiration because she didn't just
speak about what should be done, She has done it herself.
Raqui
Kira Near
the Eiffel Tower
Kira in London
Kira in Paris
Kira Red Square Moscow
Kira with
Olga of BBWshop.ru Kira with the ladies of
BBWshop.ru Kira with Aunt Svetlana
Kira with Raqui @ BBWPartyct Event
Interview with
Kira Nerusskaya
www.LargeInCharge.com : What is your
name/names?
My name is Kira Nerusskaya. I am the director and co-executive
producer of the first ever BBW documentary created and filmed by a
BBW called The BBW WORLD: Under the FAT. This is my idea, which I
had for a long time. I knew I wasn't getting any younger,
certainly-- so I put a plan into action. I feel very blessed to have
teamed up with my friend and partner from Brown Eyed Intelligence
(his production company) the internationally known, nationally
recognized, and locally respected Jonn Nubian. He did the one thing
that no one else did for me, for which I am eternally grateful: he
believed in me---and my idea.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Where are
you from and what is your current location?
I am from a place where I felt the world did not end at my parents'
property line. Currently, I am a veteran resident of the East
Village of Manhattan-10009!
New York City, baby!
www.LargeInCharge.com : Do you
consider yourself people of Size?
Am I a person of size? Yes I am. I am a proud BBW.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Have you
always been a person of Size?
Yes. I have been overweight since early childhood.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Please tell
us briefly about your status, single, married, race, age, etc?
KIRA
AGE: Old enough to know better, and young enough to go dancing.
RACE: I don't like running! But I will probably race you to the
curb. But I am nice-- I will let you have the taxi first. [Wink.]
STATUS: Standing up straight! And single.
www.LargeInCharge.com : You have
begun a marvelous project with people of size and Plus Sized life as
the subject, tell us about it.
This project, a dream realized, and a long time in pre-production,
has a strong plan to make its mark in the documentary community.
Showing what is under the fat, what most people never see, wish to
see, or bother to notice--from the inside out. The production is set
to outline all forms of discrimination, BBW organizations, fashion,
health, sex, celebrity, sizism and fat rage, the BHM and FA
communities, international perspectives, and personal narrative(s).
www.LargeInCharge.com : What
inspired you to create this project?
I have always been more of an observer than an active participant in
our community. I always thought it very interesting. It always
seemed to me like a microcosm of within a social phenomenon. I
thought that this community should be documented, to show the
subculture in which we live. In another sense, to some, I am sure it
is also a cultural phenomenon. Nonetheless, I thought that our
community should be documented, and thought it would be better if it
was done from the inside out. I guess I always had a fear of "a
skinny blonde sticking a camera in someone's face asking, 'So, how
does it feel to be fat?'" I thought it would be better if the
documentation came from one of us, from someone who knows what it is
like to walk around with a fat body.
www.LargeInCharge.com : What is the
main objective of showcasing Plus Sized people and life in this
light?
The film and web site share a three-pronged goal:
(1) To provide worldwide exposure further establishing our
community, so that people know we exist.
Kira's Reason–"There might be some girl or guy in Iowa, or some
where else, for example, that is feeling pretty bad about
her/himself. If she knew that our community exists, that she could
have friends, find better products or fashion that will accentuate
and accommodate her body, perhaps find a man and/or a romantic
interest that appreciates her body, or one who is open minded, and
most importantly never again feel alone."
(2) To show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to show
what is "under the fat."
Kira's Reason–"If the fat is all you see, then you don't see me.
There is so much more. Let me show you what's there, let me share
all of me with you. And "the fat" is part–but it sure as hell ain't
all! And if you want me, then you gotta take ALL of me."
(3) To stop the fat bashing.
Kira's Reason–"We are the last prejudice that seems OK to
bash--constantly. Well, if you can't make fun of someone's religion
(Again, why would you want to?) why MUST people feel that is it
always OK to make fun of us? With the presence and strong voice of
fat comedians like Ralphie May, we might be able to change that. But
he, like we, need help in changing people's minds about the myths
and stigma attached to us. We are not all the same, and fat is not a
four-letter word. It is, however, an adjective. And its association
need not be negative!
Stop the fat bashing, America…..we have had enough! Like any kid who
is made fun of, we need to unite and demand it stops. We need to
unite as one and say, "We have had enough!" that the bashing is
unacceptable, and most importantly–we aren't going to take it
anymore! We are standing up for ourselves. How do you like that?!
Like facing a bully in school yard–and surely some of us have
encountered that in or throughout our lifetime–some of us face the
glances, the glares, the looks, the snickers [not only the candy
bar], and the drive-by comments just on our way to work in the
morning–never mind at the doctor, the laundry, eating out, going
grocery shopping, standing in line, on mass transit, shopping,
walking down the street, at work, in romantic situations, etc. etc.
etc.—but I ask you to ask yourselves, do we need to? Is it
necessary? Answer me, how? Better yet, why?
We are just like everybody else. Only bigger. And bigger might be
not only be in stature, but also in heart. Don't misunderstand me,
not all fat people are alike–good or bad–[nor skinny people]—and
bigger might not necessarily mean better, but it doesn't mean worse,
either!
I am blessed and honored to share a birthday with Dr. Martin Luther,
Jr. He felt that no one should be discriminated against by the color
of his or her skin. I agree with that idea and statement; and I
would like to further incorporate his dream into mine—-'No one
should be judged by the color of one's skin–NOR ITS SIZE'."
www.LargeInCharge.com : I know you
have traveled around the country to film your Documentary, can you
tell us about some of the places you have gone and what have you
filmed?
I have filmed many BBW events and parties from all different
sub-communities within the umbrella of the BBW/plus-sized community
as well as many isolated interviews of individuals and some experts.
I have traveled to Los Angeles, Chicago, Boston, New Jersey,
Connecticut, New York, Las Vegas, London, Paris, and three cities in
Russia.
And I have done it all on my own dime.
www.LargeInCharge.com : We would
like to know how you were received by the many organizations,
established events, and people you visited?
Over all, I would have to say that everyone has been very nice and
supportive. My Russian experience was especially nice, partly
because I got to visit my friends and family, and make new friends.
They certainly know how to throw a party!
In many cases in the United States, I got to see people who had
moved from one end of the country to another, and ran into people
who I haven't seen in 10 years. That is always nice. And it is also
great to meet new faces, and have people make you laugh---as in ha!
ha!
Some people really went out of their way to help me, and extended
themselves greatly to this cause while I was filming, and I would
like to take a moment to recognize them in particular:
Peggy Howell from NAAFA and the always cordial Heather Boyle from
Heavenly Bodies in Boston.
www.LargeInCharge.com : What has
been the hardest obstacle to overcome in filming your Documentary?
Fatigue! and lugging around the equipment. In Russia, i actually got
a black and blue mark the size of my palm, which has healed but left
a permanent skin indentation thus far. I soooooo need an assistant!
Or an intern! The other thing is coordinating blogs on the web
site-- it is hard to do everything by yourself. And many days, there
just isn't enough time in the day.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Has there
been a moment in filming where you said "YES! this is what I want to
capture?"
Yes, a couple of things stand out in my mind. Certainly the Vegas
Bash 2006 round-table, a 62 year old lady from Chicago who I call
Super Star Marie, and the ladies I met abroad. I think I find that
moment in every interview I do-- because people are speaking from
the heart.
www.LargeInCharge.com : What was the
most touching moment during your filming that hit a core with you?
I can't really say that there was one in particular except the Las
Vegas 2006 roundtable where nine women shared all their inner
thoughts about what it was like to be in the body they had. Many
basically broke down, but I don't see that as a sense of weakness,
but rather, strength. It was amazing the words they shared with each
other and how some can have such similar thoughts in some ways and
such vast ideas about others. Hey, we all have a story of how we got
to be the size we are, some are simple, others more complicated. And
as I say-- it is the only common denominator that brings us together
in many instances. But in trying to explain why I am a different
interviewer than the typical is that I understand what is means to
walk around fat--what it feels like in side and out, how people
treat you differently, have experienced fat discrimination, and
understand what it looks and feels like when you walk into a store
and the sales clerk rolls her eyes at you--(it ain't because I am a
brunette!) or some other of the many instances of public
humiliation, albeit it be mild to extreme.
And basically, even though I have been to many countries and
interviewed women from all over the world-literally!--I would say
that we really are the same all over, which is some ways is both a
shock and a relief at the same time. It also shows the one and only
thing... which in some small ways I have mixed feeling about (ha!)
which is: we are the same as everybody else! Yet, we aren't seen
that way.
www.LargeInCharge.com : How long has
your Documentary project been under way?
Well, I guess the best way to answer this would be by re-asking the
question: when did I begin production? We began production in July
2006. It is a dream realized of an ongoing conversation JN and I
have been having for about 5 years plus.
www.LargeInCharge.com : How long do
you believe it will take to complete it?
We have over 100 +hours of footage to comb through.
The initial film will take about 4 months in post production,
whatever doesn't make into the finished product will be put up on
our web site and later on the DVD release.
www.LargeInCharge.com : This is a
huge Project, are you funded or do you have any sponsors?
My only sponsors are my faith, the Blessed Mother and God's grace.
But, I am always keeping one eye open for funding. I will be
concentrating more on that this year.
www.LargeInCharge.com : What is your
background in Filming?
I made a film when I was 17. It was a documentary that won a social
science award. I really don't mention it too often, because I kinda
feel like a dork. I am no Spielberg --walking around with a camera
at a tender age or anything. And dude, let me just tell you -- this
was before anyone "had equipment"---back when you put the VHS
cassette INTO the camera!
But I can appreciate the dramatic, the truth, and the factual. I
think the most interesting stories are the ones that are true, not
that dramatic art isn't amazing in and of itself. I just have always
felt that life should imitate art and art should imitate real life--
and I feel that naturally happens in the form of a documentary.
And lastly.. I liked getting "street credit" when the NBC crew from
Vegas Bash 2006 asked me what kind of camera I was using-- SONY PD
100, for the record! And when I told them, suddenly-- I wasn't JUST
another fat girl. I was a fat girl with a bad ass camera! Word!
Luckily I was able to get a crash course from Jonn. Admist a sighs
and laughing, I was off and running. I am glad we both are patience,
flexible people!
Jonn's background in filming is quite extensive. He received aBA in
communications and taught television production course for 6 years.
He produced and directed a documentary titled "Brown Eyed
Intelligence" a program designed to utilize information and
communication to stimulate social consciousness. It won the Award
for Cultural Excellence from the National Cable Television
Association in 1997.
He also has an extensive background in web development and project
management. He was the first to develop Spike Lee's 40 Acres and a
Mule Filmworks and Sean "P.Diddy" Combs Bad Boy record label.
He has served as technical consultant on 3 Spike Lee films;
Bamboozled, The Original Kings of Comedy, and Summer of Sam.
In 1999, George Jackson
, former CEO of Motown Records, one of the producers of the movies House Party II and New Jack City hired Jonn to serve as Director of Streaming Media/Broadcast Technology
/Media Services for a new online venture.
www.LargeInCharge.com : If your
every dream is realized in this Documentary what would you like to
see happen?
To be able to say the following words: "I would like to thank the
academy....." LOL And if I have to wear high heels anywhere, to hope
I have a date and/or at least don't trip!
Professionally: To possibly enjoy bringing this subject matter to a
wide array of media. To be recognized in some small way. To make the
term BBW nationally known--and to make them believe it!
Personally: To make a difference. To change one person's mind, and
to open someone else's. Just to be proud of the final cut. To show
the world....that a fat girl and a dream--hard work, and
determination made this happen. To make the BBW world proud. To take
pride in what I accomplished, and to be humble. To inspire others.
Seriously, it all about changing one mind, one person. I saw
evidence of that when I returned to Vegas Bash 2007. There was a
very nice young lady from out west who partook in my round table
interviews on my last night in Vegas, 2006. There were nine of us
siting in a circle, sharing, and answering my questions. 7 out of 9
cried. Many came up to me the following day to say that THAT was one
of the best things they liked about the bash that year. I was
touched. That's what it is all about--caring, sharing, supporting.
That is what I think about the BBW community ---and what I would
like to see more of--rather than who is trying to outrun who in high
heels--mind you-- to run after some guy. Or disrespect someone for
"what she is wearing." Lose the negativity and the negative
responses. Just because the world does it to us, it is not OK for us
to then do it to our "own kind."
We unite over a very interesting fact-- we are all fat. Which, I
think, is pretty interesting. And we may have nothing else in common
(such as likes/dislikes in film, music, politics, etc.)-- but that
binding force needs to be reinvented for this century -- my opinion.
But I really believe that the BBWs of the world should unite. It
ain't just a tag line--it is a belief! And that belief has formed a
faith that keeps me dragging myself all over the
world--literally--and putting my money (yup, that's right---my own
hard earned cash!) where my mouth is-- to show the world we are just
as beautiful, just as sexy, and worthy of everything everyone else
is. It is about equality in mind, body, and spirit, veiled in a good
attitude. I would want the world--especially the US-- to understand
that fat is a part of us, not all of us. If all you see is the fat--
then you don't see me. If all you see is the fat-- then you just may
be missing out on a good person, friend, spouse, business
contact--whom/whatever.
In Vegas Bash 2007-- that same woman told me how that experience in
2006 lifted her up, and changed her life. I saw with my own eyes a
change in attitude, despite facing obstacles that were in her path
upon her return home. She made it through. She IS making it through.
And doing that with a glorious smile and good attitude. And making
good progress. She lifted me up with that news, and gave me
encouragement I feel I needed at the time (timing is everything,
right?) and a feeling that you need to celebrate the small blessings
along the way-- and any road to success, whatever it may be, really
is a celebration of small blessing rolled into one generous
plus-sized combination of belief, faith, determination, and hard
work.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Do you have
any words of advice for those out there who think about doing a
Project of their own?
Plan accordingly-- and don't give up.
www.LargeInCharge.com : Is there
anything the Readers of LargeInCharge can do to help you?
If anyone wants to write an article, send it in with the links.
Donations would be helpful to defray production and post production
costs.
And of course-- if anyone knows of an event, or has something they
would like to share.....email me!
And just a plain shout out or feedback would be great! :)
I am thinking about having an open camera day somewhere on the
streets of NYC. Kinda like an open mic, but with a camera... for
everyone to come out and voice their opinions, be open, share, cry,
scream, and just get it off your chest. It is an idea I have had for
a long time, but I am trying to coordinate things in order to make
it come to fruition. Stay tuned for more info at www.thebbwworld.com !
And I still have another thing or two to shoot-- and that is going
to require a busload of fat chicks in New York City! More info to
come!
www.LargeInCharge.com : Give us a
single word that bests describe what you believe in and what this
project represents?
LargeInCharge.com:
Where are you from and what is your current Location?
I was born and raised
in the San Fernando Valley, (Canoga Park), California but now living
in Gardnerville, Nevada.
LargeInCharge.com: Can
you give us some information about yourself (Age, Height, Size,
Nationality, Marital Status, Children, etc.)?
I am proud to say that
I am 35 years old. I am 5’7”, a size 18w, I am part American and
part Mexican, married for 10 wonderful years to the best man in the
world and I have three children. My daughter Julia is going to be
17 in Sept., Ryan is 10 and Kristofer is 8.
LargeInCharge.com: Were
you a big child, or did you gain weight later in life?
Once upon a time I was
a wonderful size 9 and in a bikini. Now that I have three kids, I
will never get into a bikini again…LOL.
LargeInCharge.com: (If
you were a big child) how did you feel growing up as a large child?
I was stick thin as a
child.
LargeInCharge.com: (If
you gained weight later in life) what caused you to gain weight and
how did you feel about it?
After I had my children
I did loose some of the weight but then I got lazy and put it back
on. I’m ok with it now. This is the way I have been for the last
16 years and I have learned to accept it.
LargeInCharge.com: What
made you decide to enter the Large In Charge model search?
I just learned about
plus size modeling a few months ago. I entered my first contest
back in Sept 2006 and I won for public choice. After that I was
hooked. I started entering a few contests here and there and then I
noticed this one on Myspace and decided to enter it.
LargeInCharge.com: Did
you find it a hard journey to be accepted for your size?
Yes!!! Omg, I took a
lot for me to learn to accept my size. I went from wearing
oversized clothing and my husbands shirts to wearing beautiful
women’s clothes.
LargeInCharge.com: Do
you find acceptance among your family and friends?
Friends yes, family
no. I ALWAYS get crap from my family about being over weight. I
have come to the point where I just ignore it.
LargeInCharge.com: What
would you say inspires you most in life?
My children. Everyday
I learn something new about them and they learn something new about
me. I live for my kids. I want to show them that I can be the best
mom ever. Not only can I be a mom but I can be a friend.
LargeInCharge.com: What
is your primary job?
I am in accounting. I
take care of a/r, a/p and payroll.
LargeInCharge.com: How
did you get into this line of work?
I started out as a
receptionist and just worked my way up the ladder.
LargeInCharge.com: Do
you find acceptance in the work force?
Yes, very much so.
LargeInCharge.com: What
changes do you believe should take place for Large People in the
work force?
Acceptance.
LargeInCharge.com: What
do you think about the fashion industry for big sized clothing?
MOST of it is terrible
and the clothes that look cute and fashionable are too expensive.
LargeInCharge.com: What
do you wish to see change with the fashion industry?
Better looking clothes
at a reasonable price.
LargeInCharge.com: What
changes do you think will happen if plus sized modeling for men and
women were to expand?
I think there will be
more acceptance around the world. There will be for fashion shows,
more t.v. reality shows…so on and so on.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell
us some of the places you buy your clothing from.
Wal-Mart, Target, Ross
and sometimes Lane Bryant. Just depends on what I am looking for
and how much money I have.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell
us one of your secret beauty tips.
I really don’t have
any.
LargeInCharge.com: Give
us some tips on how to have a successful Photo shoot. What should
models be prepared for?
Just be yourself, have
fun and remember to smile.
LargeInCharge.com: Look
at Size acceptance five years ago... look at size acceptance now.
What changes do you see?
Some acceptance. I
think clothing has improved big time…NO MORE MOO MOOS!!! I see
women coming out of their shells more now than ever.
LargeInCharge.com: What
changes do you think will happen five years from now with size
acceptance?
It’s hard to say what
will happen. It would turn for the better or it could turn for the
worse. With the way people are in the world, it really is hard to
fore see what is going to happen.
LargeInCharge.com: Tell
us about your goals as far as modeling and other interests.
Well, first and fore
most, my number one goal is go get my Graphic Designing degree for
which and I am in the process of getting right now. I would love to
see my modeling go further but it is hard for someone my age. Every
contest I WANT to enter has an age limit, so I am limited to what I
can do.
LargeInCharge.com: Can
you tell us about an inspirational moment in you life that made you
feel good about your size.
After I had my first
photo shoot, I posted my pictures on Myspace to get comments and I
could not believe how many comments I got saying how beautiful I
looked in them. I’ll tell ya, it put such a smile on my face every
time I read them.
LargeInCharge.com: Is
there a person in your life that makes you keep going?
My husband. You know
it’s funny, every time I look in the mirror, I some times still see
myself as an ugly fat person and my husband looks at me dead in the
eyes tells me how beautiful I look no matter how I feel.
LargeInCharge.com: What
advice would you give to other people of size who want to model?
Go for it!!! Don’t
ever let anybody tell you, you can’t do it just because you are on
the heavy side or because of your age. If you want to do it, just
give your all and show the word what you have.
LargeInCharge.com: What
plus size figure do you admire?
Queen Latifa and Emmy.
They are both just BEAUTIFUL!!!!
LargeInCharge.com:
Describe yourself with one word.
Confident.
Thank you for
Finding out more about our Cover
Model
Raqui the Owner and Founder of LargeInCharge Magazine. This
spot is dedicated to her thoughts, vents, and observations of Plus
Sized Life. Raqui's "Tell it like it is" style of
writing has brought hundreds to her blogs and thousands to
LargeInCharge.com. There is so much behind the woman who has
brought this magazine into existence. Being Internationally
known as a wrestler lead the way to modeling for companies and being
featured in magazines and documentaries from all over the world.
She has made a career out of her size and personality.
For the past 4 years moving into Size Acceptance and Empowerment.
She is a woman who doesn't let things get to her. Knock her
down for the moment but she will rise up stronger and better.
Being a speaker on behalf of many subjects and counseling Plus Sized
people online her grace and style has made people love her.
Raqui continues to set an example of a powerful woman who will bend
the world to fit her, her way.
Raqui Appears on The Christina Show
Raqui Appears on The Maury Show
Living my Life Breathless
As a FAT person in today's society I observe many
things. As one of the Biggest Women you will probably see in
your lifetime, (6'4 and 600 lbs) I tend to notice reactions.
As a hell bent woman ready to put you in your place, I take both and
turn them around in my head and spew it out for you in this nice
little article. (LOL
- YES I AM LAUGHING)
Seriously this months article started taking form in my mind when a
particular event happened.
It was August 15th, 2007 and I was in Miami taping the Cristina
show. It was a long afternoon waiting for my segment to come
up. I had been shooting all the B takes. I walked up and
down the halls, kissing he camera and giving my shoulders a shimmy.
I stood for the camera, I held little conversations with my man in
the green room while cameras were inches from my face. Me and
my man stood side by side while cameras zoomed up and down my body.
I provided them with all the pictures and information about the many
things I do. Got my make up done, and chatted with other
guests. It is my time I am ready to go out on stage. But they
don't want me to just walk out on stage, or to resume the segment with
me already seated. They want me to be the sexy super sized
diva, so I salsa out on to the stage. Using a bit of style and
grace I slink over the wires that could trip me and shake my booty
with Spanish style. Finally I seat myself on the super almost
low to the floor seat.
Wow the excitement was pumping through my veins, the crowd clapped
and Cristina herself said "Wow you can move" I found myself
breathless. Dancing is a regular thing for me, but I must have
been holding my breath as I danced out because now I was
breathless, and was expected to speak! Ok I can handle this. The
interview goes its way and I catch my breath and even though I
didn't get to say all I wanted to, and though my segment was cut
super short because of the previous guests, I hoped that I represented
properly. Now it is time for the end of my segment. I was
requested to lift two men back to back one over the shoulder and the
other with my legs. Each man 200lbs each.
Here I go, as the two gentlemen approach me. The first man I
will lift over the shoulder. But he didn't relax he was stiff
as a board and I struggled to keep him from falling off my shoulder.
I held him in place and set him down. Then I kick off my shoes
and get down on the floor, No there wasn't a mat provided, no
I wasn't given an elevated platform like I usually use. I was
on a throw rug on a hard word floor. Suck it up I say and down
I go, I direct the man into placement and begin to lift him.
He keeps himself stiff just as asked to and you see him perfectly go
up into the air on my feet. I hold him in place for a while
and then slowly bring him down. He gives me a hand to help me
up off the floor. But I know the best way to get up and bring
myself to my feet.
Yes now I feel a bit tired and breathless AGAIN! I sit on the
VERY LOW COUCH and resume the interview. She thanks me for
coming and says to take care of myself because I am a bit out of
breath on the show today. Afterward she asks me if I
need help to get up off the couch (Says she even needs help
sometimes) But No I don't need help after a little try and my
foot slides on the throw rug. I grip my feet to the floor and
get up on my own steam and go off stage.
Breathless! I am a little breathless on the show today?
Well lets see I am a 600lb woman who just Salsa out onto the stage
and then lifted two 200lb men. Not only that but I threw
myself down on the floor for you and got myself back up off the
floor. Not to mention you gave me the lowest seat in all
creation. I know slim people who would have to try a couple of
times to get out of that seat. Hey I am going to be on a
national Spanish speaking TV show. She is considered the Spanish
Oprah. YES I AM BREATHLESS! Did you have to point it out
on TV for all to know that I am Breathless.
Now in her Cristina's defense I will say I don't believe she was
malicious toward me. She is like most slimmer people who see a
FAT person and sees them breathless and is suddenly alarmed by it.
This makes me think, and I rolled the thought over and over again in
my brain. Why are people alarmed if they see a big person do a
form of exercise and be BREATHLESS?
If you saw a slim
girl doing an active Salsa and then be Breathless would it
concern you?
If you saw a body
builder lift up two 200lb men and be Breathless would it concern
you?
If a slimmer person
who weighed 200lbs, put on a body suit that weighed 400 lbs, and
did all the things I did on the stage that day, and was
breathless afterward, would it concern you?
If you saw a slim
person taking a brisk walk down the street and be Breathless
would it concern you?
If someone was
climbing up flights of stairs and was breathless would it
concern you?
NO IT WOULDN'T! Slap a Fat person into the equation and
LORD HAVE MERCY CALL THE AMBULANCE! Something must be wrong,
Your Fat, your a bit flushed in the face, your breathless, your
having a fucking Heart Attack. Your too fat to be
breathless!
You know what, I like to be breathless sometimes. I like to
feel the blood pumping into my heart and veins. I like to feel
flushed in the face with the cool wind blowing my sweat away.
I like to push myself to the limit sometimes. Maybe not
everyday, maybe not all the time. But sometimes I do. I want to
be BREATHLESS on the dance floor. I want to sweat, because I
have been stomping my feet and having a good time. I want to
take a walk and let it be ok if I am a bit breathless.
Let me feel flushed in the face. I am carrying around 600lbs
of weight here. Every day I get up I prove I am stronger than
the average person. Every time I walk out my door and do
something I show that I am holding my own. LET ME BREATHLESS!
Let it not be a crime.
Oh but Raqui, you may say. Fat people get more breathless more
often.
So what. So do people with asthma. yes I am usually more
breathless than other slimmer people. I am usually breathless
if I climb up stairs or if I am taking a brisk walk. Yes I am
breathless after lifting things and doing exercise. Yes I am
breathless after dancing. You rather me sit on my behind so I
don't become breathless. I want to be active I don't want to
be worried that I am seen breathless. Why should I hide the
fact that I am working my body out. Why should I be ashamed.
Maybe because
I am bigger I cant walk as far as some with out becoming breathless.
But god I am walking. Maybe I cant dance as long as some can
with out become breathless, But god I am dancing. Maybe
because I am carrying this weight every effort I take is my
exercise. That is ok, I am going to keep on going. It
makes me feel good to go out and shoot a few hoops. it makes
me feel good when I am walking around enjoying the day or night.
I want to live my life. There is nothing wrong with it.
I am going to live damn it and I am going to Live my Life
Breathless.
Raqui will be Honored for her Work in the Plus Sized Community at the
below event. Join in my JOY!
Contemporary Art Video "DOUGH" Staring "Raqui" is being shown @ The Guggenheim
NOW SHOWING @ The Guggenheim Museum in NYC. "DOUGH" Contemporary
Art Video Staring Super Sized Model, Wrestler, Size Activist, "Raqui"
For more information and pictures go to
www.raqui.com
Black Student sits under
the "White Tree" - next 3days NOOSES were hung from the Tree!
The History: Six black students at Jena High School in Central Louisiana
were arrested last December after a school fight in which a white
student was beaten and suffered a concussion and multiple bruises. The
six black students were charged with attempted murder and conspiracy.
They face up to 100 years in prison without parole. The fight took place
amid mounting racial tension after a black student sat under a tree in
the schoolyard where only white students sat. The next day three nooses
were hanging from the tree.
This can not be tolerated
The Jena Six Petition...help end racism in America!! Stand up
Super Sized Sounds will be a Music Column that will feature those
who are in the industry or up and coming who are size positive.
Giving recognition to the plus
sized people who are out there and showcasing themselves.
Reviews, Interview, News and more from our new writer Super Sized Spanishfly Lynx.
Lynx
Garcia, also known as "SUPERSIZE SPANISHFLY", is a Latina BBW from
Queens NYC. Lynx is an activist speaking out against size
discrimination and began performing back in 1996 at social events
for big beautiful women and big handsome males and their admirers.
Her special mixture of sound held true as she sang, spat, danced and
performed spoken word, soon she was in demand by
Big and Beautiful parties nationwide. Lynx taking her "look"
and sound mainstream was rejected because of her size. She
did not let this break her spirit, hurt her confidence or minimize
her drive. Instead she rose up and started a public access show
(LYNX' LAIR) aired in Queens on TIME WARNER QPTV . Combination of
comedy and sexy style, she showcased underground artists of all
walks of life. The response to her show was PHENOMENAL....in less
than a year she has showcased many artist, some who moved to bigger
and better things.
Currently Lynx has caught the attention of Joey Mekkah of BLACK
SOLARIS ENTERTAINMENT and found herself on the Grandmaster MELLE
MEL's SOLO ALBUM "MUSCLES" featured on the hot latin hip-hop track
called 'DIMELO", she is the only collaboration on the album. Lynx
recently has started her own radio show on EXTRAVAGANGSTARADIO.COM
called Ladies Night. EXTRAVAGANGSTARADIO is #1 on the
itunes network.
WANT TO SUBMIT YOUR VOICE FOR REVIEW? See Below
Artist of the
Month
My
people, mi gente… I was invited to a special exclusive Ice T
performance @ The Plumm in Manhattan and he gave an awesome performance
(you can check it out in our video section E.G.TV). My boy Jeff put this
event together and had me up in the VIP section. Jeff you’re the man.!!
But
let's face it ...It's Coco’s WORLD my girl stole the show ,as usual,
with her killa curves and stunning smile, she is absolutely BOOTYFUL (I
would Supersize her, but that’s just me Yes, Ice T called her up on
stage and smacked and grabbed at that booty to dispel the rumors. (Check
out the footage on E.G.TV) Don't forget to my girl out at
www.cocosworld.com
What I love about them both (Ice T and Coco) is they are so down to
earth (The last time I chilled with them COCO offered me some of her
fried chicken, like Woody from Disney's Toy Story would say "You Got a
Friend in ME" Coco is my cat for life!!!)They really look like they are
in love. Every time I see them they are always touching and hugging and
laughing and mingling with the crowd. Ice T really loves his fans and
was ready to give ExtravaGangsta Radio an exclusive interview but due to
the lighting and the loud music it was impossible, but look out for a
phone interview soon to come. I'll keep you all posted.
I
was in my element doing what I do, networking, taking flicks and working
the room. I had had my fill and you know the life of a single mother - I
had to be up early in the am to get my little Lynx ready for school. I
had danced my** off partying like a rock star and I was so glad I found
parking directly across the street.
It
was a PURRRFCT night and Jones (my co host), being a purrfect gentleman,
walked me out of the club and was crossing the street to where my car
was...
"Lynx, your car WAS right here right?"
"LYNX?"
WAS!!!!!!!!
Was
the key word here.
Que
, que , que????
Maldita sea...Konio...hijo de la gran p***...
Yes, my people, mi gente, NYPD towed my shit and took it to the pound.
Andar Diablo...only me. Me and my culo salao!!!
Normally I turn the other way when I see NYPD in blue but I had to find
out where my Infinity was. The officers barely even looked at me (and I
was cute, but flirting would have got me no where) when one of the
officers told me "Oh your about the third person tonight, your car was
taken to the pound at 38th and 12th.
Queue Rayos!!! Jones is my dog though; he hailed a cab and accompanied
me to the dreaded pound yard. "Dayum, Lynx that's F***ked up, man, I'm
sorry Ma"
Jones was sympathetic for about a minute then I heard the all time worst
thing to say to someone after their shit got towed "QUIEN TE MANDA" you
have to read the signs Lynx this is Manhattan!! I wanted to scratch his
eyes out.
But
I was still fly and I got to chill with Ice T and Coco.
All I could do was laugh (after I cried) if you
want to witness my ordeal (for those of you who been through it I know
you'll feel my pain) Check out the footage at
www.egradioonline.com in E.G.TV section) It
is some funny and my co host Jones steals the show mocking me and
laughing at my ass the whole time. But like I said I was still fly (but
not lucky) as one of the pound officers let me know.
Shout out to all the GARGULAS that got their shit towed as well.
Aye
us Latinos. Always in some shit.
Did
I mention I'm broke but ...still fly!! Meow!! Pura Vida!!!
ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS MONTHS FEATURED ARTIST
GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS
PAGE TO SEE LYNX AT THE IMPOUND! HER CAR GOT TOWED HA HA HA!!!
LOLA Dutronic
LOLA DUTRONIC
Album:
The Love Parade
Genre:
Pop Electronica
I
had no music submissions and I was floating through pages and pages of
the abyss that is myspace when in my inbox I found a very nice message
to come check out the music Lola Dutronic. I’m so glad I did.
At
a first glance and judging from the cd cover, I had assumed that Lola
Dutronic was a solo artist this 60’s Superhero chick or modern day girl
like Marlo Thomas from the hit T.V Show “That Girl”. The only thing I
was right about was the 60’s inspired look…and soon, I would find out,
sound as well, but…with a refreshing twist.
Lola Dutronic is a Canadian duo made up of producer extraordinaire
Richard Citreon (formerly of The Diodes) and female singer Frankie Hart.
I am really feeling the overall sound and style of Lola Dutronic.
Richard’s production is crazy. It’s mellow but boppable and I love the
way he smoothly infuses 60’s and 70’s British pop sound with modern
electronic
spice. Richard is well on his way to giving other
producers out there a run for their Cheddar $$$KACHING! Look out
Timberland, Richard’s unique style is a hot new sound. I predict some
heavy duty mainstream artists will be knocking on his studio door (if
they’re smart). Frankie’s sweet sexxxy angelic voice is the purrrfect
compliment and adds a certain nostalgic timeless element reminiscent of
singers like Barbarella. I should
also mention that their cover of "Beyond The Sea"( in French) "La Mer"
is nothing short of brilliant. They even have a Japanese influenced
track "Sukiyaki" making this album an yummy international recipe.
You
take one part British pop
One
part French
Two
parts English
And a dash of Japanese
influence
Throw in plenty of Canadian swag
Some soft sexy vocals
Toss in plenty of modern electronica
Mix
it all up
And
what you get is the tastiest treat your ears ever had the pleasure of
sampling
So
my people, mi gente…get up and do the “Lolatron” with “Maritza 3000”
cause “The World Is Waiting” to take advantage for “It’s A Lovely Day”
for some “Sukiyaki” and we all need to hear what going through “The
Strawberry Filter” sounds like or “The Last Day Of The Season”. While we
are “Driving in the Rain” listening to “Chanson De L’amour” remember
it’s a “Beautiful World” and we all need to go to THE LOVE PARADE
at least once in our lifetime.
Lola Dutronic’s The Love Parade is available through CDBABY and Itunes
This
month is Hispanic Heritage Month. The U. S. Census Bureau reports that
there are about 44 million Hispanics here in the United States.
In honor
of Hispanic Heritage month I’d like to feature an interview with a
Hispanic entertainer like no other. My people, mi gente ...allow
me to present freestyle King George Lamond.
Interview with
King George Lamond
Supersize Spanishfly: What is your real name?
George Lamond: I
was Born George Garcia in Washington DC, Representing the State!!!
Supersize Spanishfly: When did you know that singing was what you wanted
to do?
George Lamond: The day my home boy distributed Cassettes! Yes I said
Cassette’s to my classmates in high school and everyone kinda loved it..
Supersize Spanishfly: You have a distinct quality in your voice that is
unmatched by most tenors of our time, did you receive any formal
training?
George Lamond:
Training? Nah..LOL Thank God I could say I was blessed with a gift and I
have no problem using it. I did take a course once on breathing
exercise, not to damage it.. But, no I never received any lessons and
for the record to all aspiring singers out there, taking lessons does
not make you a better vocalist. It's more of a tune up..
Supersize Spanishfly: Who were some of the artists you sang back up for
before you had your solo career?
George Lamond:
Backup singing? Well I never actually sang backgrounds on stage or for a
band but I did background recordings, To name a few you would know uhhmm,
Marc Anthony, Jerry Rivera, Brenda K Starr, DLG, Safire, TKA and few
others ..
Supersize Spanishfly: How did you feel when you first got signed to
Columbia Records?
George Lamond:
Getting signed to Columbia Records was a good look back in the days.
Man, I mean it was like getting signed to the Yankees! “Don’t get it
twisted I am a die hard Met fan!!!” but you know what I mean. It was
like starting with the big boys. It was a huge moment for me, at the
time I was very proud of that accomplishment.
Supersize Spanishfly: How was it dealing with the success of your first
album “Bad of the Heart”?
George Lamond: The
Success to be honest with you I really don’t remember it much,
unfortunately. The music business then was so Hollywood and phony there
was just too much going on when on the real there should not have been.
I mean there where people working for me that to be honest, didn’t need
to be there. So it was like fast forwarding a movie.
Supersize Spanishfly: I remember catching your performance at L’amour
East in Queens and the girls were going crazy for you, how was it for
you being so young and being a sex symbol?
George Lamond:
Young and single? Come on now? Need I say more. I was a rock star,
limos, money, a click; the hits were coming one after another. It was
plain….. Sex, NO DRUGS, Liquor and rock and roll sweety..
Supersize Spanishfly: Ladies he is now a married sex symbol with
children. So forget about it!! George, is it difficult to maintain a
marriage and raise children being an entertainer?
George Lamond: Yeah it was kind of crazy but you need to remind yourself
where it all started and it took me a long time to get it right. I am
not going to front; I have Players scars…lol
I found myself a good strong Latin woman that’s real. She reminds me
everyday that she’s my friend and my boo. She’s stuck with me for life.
As for my kids they know now what daddy does. They are kind of proud to
tell their friends what I do, so I guess that’s a good thing..huh? I’m
kool in there eyes. You can’t ask for anything else
You’re
Kool in our eyes as well George. Thank you for your time and best of
luck in all you pursue.
Want to send in your
Voice in for review? Are you a singer, rapper, or poet who performs
spoken word? Up and Coming, already established? Contact
Lynx through her Myspace page or email
articles@largeincharge.com and all information will be forwarded to
her (PUT "FOR LYNX" IN THE SUBJECT AREA)
You must be a Size
Positive Artist, or a Plus Sized Supporter.
From the Plus side will be column dedicated to short stories that
deal with all aspects of Plus size Life. Emily Smiltneck was
chosen for this position because of her dedication, and realistic
writing style. She captures the emotional and mental rollercoaster
those who are Plus Sized go through.
Emily Susanne Smiltneck lives in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan
(pretty much dead center in the middle of nowhere). She is a
substitute teacher, and has recently started a tutoring business.
Emily is currently working on several writing projects,
including a historical fiction novel and several collections of
poetry.
Blushing
“Why
are you so fat? Mommy? Mo-o-om, why is she so fat?” the little
voice sing songed. My face flushed hot with embarrassment and I
turned away quickly. All I could think to do was try and hide
myself under my towel. It was too small to be of much use, though.
All around the locker room, there were tiny, perfect girls that had
their tiny, perfect bodies completely wrapped in towels, towels that
they could absolutely drown in. Every inch of their toned flesh
was covered up by those teeny little towels, a fact that I hate. I
always look even larger and more awkward and jiggly-skinned than I
am, in comparison. The corners of my towel, see, barely meet under
one armpit, leaving plenty of room on the side for my rolls of fat
to show themselves off between the gaping sides of the towel.
And then, just when I was ready to shove my wet body
into my clothes, go home and cry into some ice cream, maybe, just
when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, when I thought that I
couldn’t possibly be any more humiliated or possibly have any more
attention called to me, I was proven wrong. As usual.
“Miss Cammie! Hi, Miss Cammie! It’s me, Nora! I seed
you at school today! I did all my homework soon’s I got home and
it’s all in my backpack for tomorrow already! And Sarah’s comin’
home with me on the bus to spend the night!” crowed another tiny
voice. One of my students, great! Nothing calls attention to a
naked fat chick in a locker room better than a screaming
preschooler. Didn’t seem to bother her any, though. She flew
across the floor with her swimsuit hanging off one ankle and her
underwear hanging off the other, with her arms out for a hug.
It’s always really awkward when I meet one of my
students in situations like this. I mean, first of all, it just
seems somewhat inappropriate and even borderline obscene to be
hugging the kids from school when we’re both in various stages of
undress. But they always want a hug. Four-year-olds aren’t shy,
don’t have any sense of nakedness even when they’re stark naked.
Hell, they’re proud of their bodies, no matter what they look like,
and anxious to show them off to the everyone.
Besides that, though, there is the issue of the
parents. See, I am not the most confident, graceful person in the
world. I mean, when it comes to the kids, I am. I know just what
I’m doing and how to relate to them—it all comes naturally, with the
kids. The parents are another story. I never know quite how to
tell them when their kid is having problems in school. Or how to
talk to them about anything. I am the teacher here, but I always
feel like they outrank me, somehow. Like they are the real adults
and I’m just playing grown-up and hoping they don’t notice that the
high heels I’m teetering around in are 6 sizes too big and my
lipstick is crooked. Of course, that’s just an example, and not
even a real one; I would never wear high heels to school, or
lipstick, either. I don’t carry things like that off very well.
I’m not quite that sophisticated. But you get what I mean, anyway.
I hate parent-teacher conferences. I have to sit there
all day long and face a never-ending line of the people I fear
most. I break out in a cold sweat just trying to figure out what to
wear, much less what to say to them. I always feel like a total
imposter.
And you know that cold, clammy, shaky feeling you get
when you’re in a situation like that, forced into doing something
you’re petrified to do? Multiply that by, like, a billion. That’s
how I feel when I run into one of the parents while I’m naked in the
locker room, struggling to be invisible while I try to cover my
ugly, flabby body with clothes and shake hands at the same time. I
wish they could feel as awkward as I do. I cannot begin to
understand how they can just approach me when I am sitting here
naked as a three-hundred-pound jaybird and act as if everything is
totally normal, like we’re in the grocery store or something.
I skip the gym a lot in the fall, up until the first
round of parent-teacher conferences, anyway. The only thing that
can make running into parents while I’m stark raving naked worse is
meeting them for the first time while I’m stark raving
naked. And the kids don’t have that filter that says, “Hey, there’s
a naked person here. Better leave her alone.” They run up to me,
all excited, going “Mom! Mommy, mommymommymommy! This is Miss
Cammie, from school!” And then everyone in the entire locker room
looks at Miss Cammie, and Miss Cammie wants to crawl into one of the
lockers and suffocate herself with the smelly, mildew-y, wet towel
that will inevitably be inside the one she chooses.
Except, Miss Cammie wouldn’t fit in the locker anyway,
because she’s fat. Ginormously fat, and now anyone who wasn’t aware
of that fact knows, because little Suzy is so proud of her teacher
that she wants everyone to know who Miss Cammie is. That part feels
good, anyway, knowing I am so important to the kids.
And on the up side, I am now totally immune to
embarrassment of any kind. Which, being who I am, is an amazingly
good thing.
Driving home from the gym, I rounded a curve in the road
to see the Devil looming ahead. Okay, so it was just the Golden
Arches, but close enough. After a massive internal struggle, I
found myself turning into the driveway and parking my car. Maybe I
was completely derailing the two hours I had just spent working out
by giving in to that ninety-nine cent six pack of McNuggets, but at
least I parked at the far side of the parking lot. The walk to the
door probably worked off a tenth of one of those warm, crispy, salty
pieces of chicken.
I went inside and ordered not one, but two, six piece
McNuggets before I could stop myself. I got a large diet Coke to go
with it, though. I read this thing on the Internet once that said
if you get something with lots of calories and then get diet pop to
go with it, they cancel each other out. I refuse to believe that
statement was made in humor rather than truth.
I searched the restaurant desperately for a table with
chairs. Those damn booths are hard to squeeze into, and how are you
supposed to eat with a table cutting off the circulation to your
entire midsection? There were no tables open, though, so I was
forced to slide into a booth. A tight fit, to be sure, but I could
at least breathe. Maybe working out was doing some good after all.
I pulled a copy of Cosmo out of my purse and settled down to
undo everything I had accomplished at the gym.
I was startled out of a deep, philosophical article
about the virtues of skinny jeans by a guy wearing a McDonald’s
uniform. A very cute guy, who was probably a good ten years younger
than me, but wow! He was asking me something. Between the
fascinating list of reasons why skinny jeans are more versatile than
a little black dress, and this man/boy’s soulful eyes, I was a bit
distracted. I rewound what he had said in my mind and then answered
the question I guessed that he had asked me (Do you need a refill?)
with a standard, “No, thanks. I’m fine.”
But, judging by the look on his face, I had said or done
something very wrong. Seldom have I seen such a look of confusion.
“Okay, Ma’am,” he said, and walked away slowly. So much
for my little crush. Ma’am? He had called me Ma’am! Even if I
was ten years older than him, everyone always says I look young
for my age! And now, he thought I was a freak, too. Because as he
approached the next table and repeated his question, I could hear
him clearly.
“Excuse me, are you Anita Hill?”
Good GOD, why do I always do that? I should know better
than to read in public. I always get so lost in whatever I’m
reading, even if it is just Cosmo, that I totally lose touch
with the real world. Besides which, I’m deaf in one ear, so my
hearing is off anyway. It’s not totally my fault. I threw
away my remaining 5 McNuggets and walked out of the restaurant with
my head held high. And as soon as I was safely in my car, I let out
a whoop of uncontained laughter. I have gotten quite good at
laughing at myself over the years, and I even enjoy it most of the
time. “Misunderhearing” people (that’s what a friend of mine calls
it; I misunderstand, but mainly as a result of my lack of hearing
skills) is one of my many useless talents. And “Anita Hill” and
“need a refill” could be confused by anyone. Couldn’t they?
I cranked the radio on the way home and sang out loud
with it, still giggling a little between verses. Figured it would
help me forget about my little mishap. But still, in the back of my
mind, I couldn’t help going over and over the incident. I could
just imagine the guy from McDonald’s telling all his friends about
it later. He would tell them all about the fat lady at work who was
obviously mentally impaired, and they would all laugh. His pretty
blonde girlfriend would throw her hair back in near hysterics and he
would casually drape his arm around her shoulders as they laughed.
Because, of course he would have a beautiful
girlfriend. All those attractive types do. Hell, everyone has
someone. Everyone except me. I turned down the radio and lapsed
into deep, dark, depressing thoughts as I pulled up to a stoplight,
then turned and headed home.
I woke up the next morning with an aching back and a
terrible headache. And all I wanted to do was cry. I hate it when
the stupid depression sets in. Most of the time I’m fine, pretty
mentally stable, but then every so often, I get like this. It’s
like all I can think of is being alone. I come home alone at night,
make dinner for myself, and then go to bed, all alone. I just crave
human contact. There is no one at all that I can even touch. I
want to feel warm, living, human flesh against my skin. But, it
just won’t happen. And you can’t lie in bed forever crying, even if
you want to.
So, I got up and cried my way through my shower and
breakfast before I headed to school. At least I have the kids to
make me smile. I can get some human contact through them. Not
exactly the kind of contact I crave, but I do get lots of hugs.
I cringed when I walked into the classroom. Sarah was
running toward me, full tilt, talking excitedly and very loudly.
“Hi, Miss Cammie! Nora said she saw you at the gym last
night when she went swimmin’! And she talked to you! And she said
you were n—”
